As an administrator working in the field of special education for 24 years and as a parent of an intellectually disabled child. I have seen the many different emotions and roles siblings have in the lives of their intellectually and developmentally disabled brother or sister. They really are unsung heroes!
These siblings have the most patience, compassion and care for their siblings. Who often take on the role of protecting their brother or sister and becoming their advocates. Sometimes as parents we don’t realize how much we rely on these siblings to be independent due to time constraints of caring for their sibling.
Here are some ways to ensure these siblings receive your time, attention and support too.
1. Find opportunities for these siblings to connect with peers. Local sibling support groups can be found by contacting your local Mental Health Association.
2. Provide opportunities for these siblings to engage in extracurricular activities with their typically developing peers. This gives them a chance to explore, develop their own interests and form peer relationships.
3. Schedule one to one time with this sibling. Put time in your weekly family schedule to give this child your undivided attention.
4. Look into your local OPWDD / State run disability support office for many community resources. Learn about qualified Respite care to enable you to have time to spend with your other children engaging in activities outside of the home together.
5. Be present for their achievements, having Respite care would enable parents to attend sporting events of their other children, school achievements, and devote time to celebrate these siblings accomplishments.
6. For older teen siblings, involve them in family meetings when decisions are being made for their sibling. This helps take the fear out of the unknown and gives a picture of what the day looks like for their sibling.
7. Share with older siblings the life plans you have in place as you get older, who will care for their sibling. Your local state office could help you get started on services to assist in this planning.
8. Make sure your home is a safe and judgment free place for siblings to express their varying range of emotions.
9. Create physically safe supports in your home for those who have siblings with aggressive behaviors. The siblings need to see the safety is important to you too.
10. Share with your children, you know life with an intellectually and developmentally disabled sibling is hard. Validate those feelings but also be sure to praise and recognize the triumphs of the empathetic, strong, and kind people they are and how proud you are of them!
Supporting siblings of children with disabilities is not just about addressing their needs—it’s about recognizing their unique experiences, validating their feelings, and fostering an environment where they feel heard and appreciated. By considering these ten recommendations, you are not only helping to create a more balanced and nurturing family dynamic but also empowering these siblings to thrive in their own right.
Remember, every small step taken toward understanding and supporting these siblings can have a profound impact on their well-being. They, too, are on a unique journey, and your continued efforts can make all the difference in ensuring they feel valued and supported. Whether it’s through open communication, dedicated one-on-one time, or simply acknowledging their feelings, your actions contribute to a stronger, more resilient family unit.
As you move forward, keep in mind that the journey of supporting siblings is ongoing, as parenting always is! It requires patience, empathy, and a willingness to adapt as their needs change. By remaining committed to these practices, you can help foster an environment where every child in the family feels loved, understood, and empowered to grow.
Authored by Lucia Montone, MS,Ed. CAS
Lucia works at Inspire, located in the Hudson Valley region of NYS