But it’s not always easy to get what everyone needs and deserves in the first place: the chance to try. That also means the opportunity to fail, learn and succeed.

Doors can start closing early for children with differences. The first sign may be something that doesn’t happen—the play group that your child is not invited to, the school closed to ‘children with needs we aren’t set up to meet’, the sports league that you are told is ‘not appropriate’ for your daughter or son.

It can be difficult to challenge another parent or a teacher and of course sometimes their concerns make sense. But when someone closes the door before your child has the chance to participate without reason, remind them that childhood is a time of discovery for all kids and suggest that you give it a try.

Remember that there are very few truly unprofessional people out there—that pre-school probably thinks they are doing the right thing for the child and that neighbor may just be nervous about how your child will do in the playgroup. Know that the other children are almost always much more comfortable with difference than adults, and keep on trying to open doors, even when it takes time and effort.

• You are your child’s advocate, your job is to educate people on any misunderstandings they may have.
• Every situation can be used as a learning lesson.
• Have an open mind and be open to new ideas and suggestions.

Low expectations have been described as a kind of as bias, even though often there is no bad intention. When someone assumes a child is not going to be able to do something, opportunities evaporate. Why give anyone a chance if it’s obvious they don’t have what it takes to succeed? Most people don’t think they’re being prejudiced about children with disabilities or denying them an opportunity to build on their strengths. They just don’t know better or they may even think they’re protecting the child from being embarrassed and feeling poorly about messing up.

It is tough to stay calm when you see someone shut your child out, whether it’s from a game or a school. But it pays, because you don’t need to win an argument to get them to change. All you want is for them to agree that they can’t know for sure and there is no harm in trying.

• Keep all of your important documents organized and in a safe place.
• Eat a balanced diet. Eating well and sleeping 8+ hours can make a big impact on your child’s behavior and attitude.
• Establish routines so that your child will know what to always expect.

Getting upset when you come across people that have different perspectives is understandable. There are times where you may want to correct them but explain it in a way that is not offensive to them, you may open their minds.

Pretending your child’s disability will not affect them socially is not a great approach. Participating in T-ball is not easy when you get confused running the bases. If vision challenges make it difficult to see what the teacher writes on the blackboard, it’s not something anyone can ignore. And when a child has trouble speaking clearly it is going to change their relationships with others.

While no child should be thoughtlessly excluded because of differences, it is also true that disabilities can create real barriers to participation. It takes a little extra effort and the willingness to try, because there is almost always a way around the challenge.

If parents don’t have magical abilities when it comes to solving physical or cognitive challenges, we all have what it takes to challenge people who are so focused on the barriers that they can’t see possibilities. Just remember that the goal is to get those people to help solve the problem with you, not to make them enemies.

• Establish a meaningful relationship with your child’s teacher.
• If you are working with evaluators/tutors, ask about resources that can help with daily activities that can be helpful for you and your family at home.
• Get an independent evaluation in addition to the DOE (if school age) so that you can compare the results and get a second opinion.
• Establish routines so that your child will know what to always expect

If it was, no child would learn how to ride a bicycle, swim in the ocean or walk home from school without an adult for the first time. Risk is part of life. But other adults can get so nervous about protecting a child with a disability that they never have the chance to try new things, test themselves, and behave like children. Be ready for it.

When children are especially vulnerable parents may need to be cautious. We all want to see our kids exploring, testing themselves and discovering their limits in the usual way. That isn’t always possible for children with challenges. No matter how frustrating or sad this may be, safety has to come first.

But pay attention to how many people who grow up with disabilities to do more than anyone expected will credit their parents, saying things like ‘they never saw my challenges as an excuse for not trying new things’ or ‘they let me be a regular kid’. Risk is part of life, and if you’re OK with it, within reason, everyone else will be more relaxed too.

When you do step it up, make sure it’s a challenge you want to take on.

Disagreements happen, even when people want the same thing. But if, for instance, you happen to love the Special Olympics approach and another parent doesn’t, you can talk about it. When a lot is at stake and especially when feelings are involved, things can get heated fast.

Make sure the battle is winnable. A struggle a school system between those who want services for children on the autism spectrum and those whose children have more complex needs may be a fight that no one can win. Save your energies for conflicts when there is a clear goal and no other way of getting there.

• Take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else
• Be positive and be the best version you can be for yourself
• Choose your battles wisely. Not everything will be a dispute, but instead, can be an opportunity for learning

Remember that when you advocate for a child with challenges you are part of a movement. Advocacy takes many forms, including any number of small struggles and some big, public ones as well. It is always worth asking, when you are in conflict of some sort, if there are allies out there somewhere.

Chances are good that there are other people or organizations who can offer you advice and support because they have come up against similar barriers and been in the same struggles. It isn’t always possible to team up, because some people and organizations have an agenda of their own. But never overlook the possibility of teaming up with other people who understand exactly where you’re going because they are on the same journey.

• Find your community
• Join PTA at your child’s school
• Find resources that will benefit you and your situation
• Establish a good relationship with your child’s pediatrician and teacher

But when a parent is in a real struggle it is almost certainly about something specific. It’s important to be able to say exactly what it is you want. When you can’t explain what you are arguing for and why, it is a good time to think about how you got here. When you are trying to help a child with challenges advance, you are likely to be frustrated and even angry at times. Channeling all that into a battle is unlikely to leave you feeling better.

There is another reason you want to be sure you know the goal. Advocacy that’s not focused on a clear outcome isn’t going to be effective. The last thing you need to do is spend time, energy or money on anything that isn’t likely to actually do any good. And remember that when you file a lawsuit, start a social media campaign or publicly take on authorities, you upset your opponents.

If you know exactly why you are raising the stakes, you can decide if that is a price worth paying.

But the reason may not be obvious and it’s important to understand the actual barrier. Do the decision makers have outdated ideas about children with disabilities? Is cost the real issue? Is the person telling you it can’t be done even the right person to ask? \It sounds so obvious to say you can’t remove the obstacle if you don’t know what it is, but that is almost always true.

You don’t want to discover late in the day that there is an issue you weren’t aware of or, worse, were getting nowhere by focusing on the wrong issue.

Even if you have to keep asking, you always need to know what, exactly, is blocking the path.

There is no secret to success here: just remember that as a parent you are almost always entitled to have the question answered when it affects your child.

• Always ask for second opinions
• Do not be afraid to ask why things cannot be done

If you raise a child who grows up to expect opportunity, respect and kindness, you’ve done something right!

There is no typical child with challenges. People are individuals, with and without disabilities. Some are at the higher end of abilities and others are at the higher end of needs. Not all children with challenges grow up to identify as ‘self-advocates’, likely to add their voices to debate or lead the way to a more diverse inclusive future. But if you think a challenge can prevent anyone from becoming a force in the world, you need to meet Haben Girma, a Harvard Law School graduate who is not defined by being unable to hear or see but by her job: disability rights advocate.